Warren Buffett Disproves the Possibility of Time Travel

Wait, how much?
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As many are aware, Warren Buffett and Dan Gilbert (through Berkshire Hathaway and Quicken Loans, respectively) offered $1 billion to anyone who could correctly predict the winners of all 63 games of the NCAA men's basketball tournament this year.  Before the first weekend was over, however, no perfect brackets remained in any of the online tournament challenges.  This guy was the last to fall when Dayton defeated Syracuse in the 37th game, and he wasn't even registered for the billion dollar challenge.

On one level, this simply shows what most people already knew: correctly predicting the outcomes of 63 games during a chaotic, emotional tournament with increasing parity among teams is simply borderline impossible.  What does borderline impossible look like as a ratio, you ask?  According to the rules set out by Quicken Loans, it is 9,223,372,036,854,775,808 to 1.  I can't even pronounce that.

On a deeper level, however, this challenge and its failure to be accomplished tells us much more about the universe itself.  Namely, that time travel is not possible.  If it were, or if humanity were at any future point able to invent a means to do so, it would have just been used.  Trust me, my reasoning is flawless here.  And yet there has not been a single sighting of Biff, Marty, or Doc running around with a 2015 sports almanac.  Not one.  There are exactly zero new billionaires as a result of this experiment.  We can therefore finally put this nagging question of science and science fiction behind us, and stop over-complicating and often ruining our films with logical fallacies and major plot holes (yes, this is the most important implication of the discovery).  I'm not saying it's never been done well; I just mean that these movies normally aren't well thought-out, and don't make any damn sense (I'm looking at you, Timecop).  But hey, you take the good with the bad.  At least the "Back to the Future" hoverboard is real...

...I digress.  Since it seems we are stuck on this particular plane of existence and must experience linear time together, why not head to G-Spot/Mexicali in La Mariscal to watch the rest of the NCAA tournament unfold in its proper order?  Your brackets may be soaked with tears and the blood of those who mocked you, but the tourney is just getting started!  For expats living in Quito, this is a great place to get your fix of US sports, pub food, and good beer.  Their burgers and tacos are cheap and delicious, and they have some of the best wings in the city (not quite as meaty as Ala Brava, but I think tastier).  They also have micro-brews on tap: Stout, IPA, and Hefeweizen.  You know, for the unlikely contingency that you somehow grow tired of skunky Club Verde and nearly tasteless Pilsener.  Best of all, they are currently streaming all of the March Madness games, and for the rest of the year they have NBA League Pass and NFL Game Pass.  But if the suggestive name and my glowing review aren't enough, you don't have to take my word for it.  Check out their awesomely bad adverstisement that I found on YouTube:

It is on Diego de Almagro in between Jose Calama and Mariscal Foch (one block south of Plaza Foch).  See you there!